Once again, my restlessness attacks me from nowhere. It’s almost 2 AM. I was sort of sleepy about half an hour ago, but I was reading my friend’s blog (hi Meg!) and somehow all of a sudden, I’m dying to do something.
But I should have known that the night was off to a bad start, coz I specifically told myself to sleep early. (And my body never listens to me when it comes to the important stuff). I’m supposed to have my blood checked out tomorrow morning (no wait, it's later this morning). A friend of mine who’s a med tech offered to do my blood chemistry for free and I have to fast for 10 hours for accurate results. I’m certainly hoping that lack of sleep won’t tamper with it.
I’ve been meaning to start another blog after I had my birthday which was a week ago. It’s an ongoing trend with my friends nowadays. I used to have a blog in my friendster account which I eventually deleted – there were some entries which should be forgotten and discarded (for my sanity’s sake). And anyway, I don’t want to read about that version of me again, someone who was volatile, emotional and spontaneous without caution half of the time. Don’t worry though, the lessons learned then are still etched in my psyche, almost instinctual. And once in a while, I go back to those lessons and they jolt me back to reality (that I’m much better off now). Nursing regrets has never been part of my mantra, and it never will be. It goes against my “always go forward” policy – even if they’re just baby steps, I still have to move forward no matter what.
Why start a blog? Well for starters, you may consider me as a frustrated writer. I used to write poems, and I mean lots of poems, and a couple of half-finished short stories in the mix as well. I even contemplated taking comparative lit or creative writing in UP Diliman instead of premed in UP Manila. But then I realized (and acknowledged) my stubborn nature and I didn’t want someone dictating how I should write. After my medical career has run its course, when I’m old and grey, I will have all the time in the world to write that one defining novel I’ve always dreamed of doing.
To finish off this starter post, I wish to share with you two of my old poems. And as you will notice, the titles of my poems are actually the dates when I wrote them.
September 18, 2006
I wish I could say you were mine for a time.
I wish I could simply say your name out loud.
I wish I could kiss you under the rain for everyone to see.
I wish I could stand in front of you and say ‘I hate you!’ to your face.
Don’t worry, I will never think of you in this way again.
March 1, 2008
it would be autumn all day
no snow, no rain,
just a dewy hint remains.
with the rustle of leaves,
i hear you breathe
silence.
happiness.
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